Forgiveness

When I wrote that comedian Tee A called me a 'club girl', in my 'The person in the mirror' post (oops I did it again...lol) a few people thought mentioning his name was uncalled for and the only reason I could have done that was because I still carried a grudge. That made me really look deep inside...asking myself if the reason I mentioned his name and remembered the incident was because I was still bitter about it.
Sincerely? Absoultely not! I carry no grudge.
"To carry a grudge is like being stung to death by one bee"

I'm somewhat confrontational...if you say something about me, or do something I don't like...I will probably confront you...and after that, it's over. I remember talking it over with Tee A and moving past it. I mentioned it because I wanted to sight an example and the incident with him stood out...
"What is forgiven is usually well remembered".

But I'm glad a few of you brought it up 'cos it brings me to what I want to talk about today...FORGIVENESS!

A few weeks ago, a friend who lives abroad called me on the phone to tell me her 8 year old marriage was over. She told me she found out her husband had a serious relationship with another woman. Serious as in...rented a flat for her, bought her a car, spends some days in her house when he had to 'travel' and so many other things...

After finding out, she 'threatened' to leave with their three kids if he didn't clean up his act. Two days after the threat, like he was waiting for a cue... he moved out of their home. A week later she found out he had moved in with his mistress, five weeks later, he filed for divorce.

I was very depressed when she was telling me the story. I could almost feel her pain and anguish through the phone. Then in the midst of tears and wailing...she started saying "I wish him death Linda. I wish him death. Oh God please make him die, that's the only way I can be normal again...he's ruined my life. Someone pls kill him. Pls die...I wish him death, I wish him death, I wish him death". She said 'I wish him death' more times than I could count and it was at that point that I also started crying.

I wasn't crying because her marriage was over...I was crying because she carried a hatred so deep, so raw, so sated, that it will probably destroy her! Her hatred for her husband had taken her to a point of no return..and for a fleeting moment I was scared for her and her children. Her? Because she sounded like her life was over and she just might want to end it. Her children? Because sometimes when we want vengeance and can't touch the one who hurt us, we turn to the next best thing...what they love...in this case...his children!

I have another friend who hates men. When I say hate...I mean Hate with a capital H. Why? She's 30 years old with an 11 year old daughter and a five year old son, from two different men who promised her the world and gave her nothing. Whenever I talk about men, love, sex etc, she tries her damnest to talk me out of falling in love or letting any man touch me or ever getting married. To her all men are evil and she's vowed never to have anything to do with another one for the rest of her life. The sad part is...she's only 30!

Forgiveness
...easy to write, easy to spell, easy to pronounce, even easy to say but one of the hardest things to do. Forgiveness is something some of us are incapable of...giving up resentment, anger and a sense of betrayal is almost impossible for some of us...mostly because we think we are entitled to it.

I'm not perfect...oh I'm far from it! There are things I do that I'm not proud of...but if there's one thing I know how to do and do well...it's to forgive! If you apologise to me, I don't care how deep, how damaging or how much I was hurt...I let it go.

About my married friend, I'm sure there a few other married women out there who might understand a little of where she's coming from...the hatred she feels for a man she once loved and who betrayed her. I have been let down...but nothing so deep that I would wish anyone dead, so maybe I don't understand that pain. Do you understand it? Have you been there? Still there?

All of us, at some point in our lives, have been hurt and wounded by the actions or words of someone else. Sometimes the hurt is so great, the thought of forgiving never crosses our minds.

How do you forgive someone who's hurt you so deeply? How do you let go when you're consumed with a hatred that you can't even control. How do you shut your eyes at night and not feel that resentment, that bitterness, that anger towards someone for something they did to you knowingly or unknowingly.

There are those of us who need to forgive what was done to us...like my married friend.

There are some of us who need to seek forgiveness for something we did to someone else.

And there some of us who need to forgive ourselves for something we did to others or to ourselves...like my other friend with two kids.

I remember telling her never to go about waiting for someone to apologise to her or blame anyone for where she is today. She made a choice to have unprotected sex, she made a choice to keep the pregnancy and made another choice a few years later to keep another pregnancy. If she needs an apology...then the apology needs to come from her. She made the decision, she made the choice and the only thing she can do is...forgive herself for her faults and mistakes and move on.

There are some of us who go about waiting for people to come ask for forgiveness for something they did to us. I mean it would be great if they would come to us but you must accept the fact that some people will never do that. Some of them don't think they did you wrong, they dont need to be forgiven and they will never come to you...They did what they did...and that's that!

It's not easy to forgive...oh trust me I know. There are a million and one reasons not to forgive...and a million and two reasons to forgive.

Refusing to forgive is like drinking poison and expecting the one who hurt you, to die.

Refusing to forgive is giving that someone who hurt you control over your life.

Refusing to forgive is letting anger, resentment, sadness, fear, disgust, aggression, contempt, depression, confusion, disappointment etc into your life.

Refusing to forgive is denying yourself of a beautiful gift...peace of mind!

Refusing to forgive can make your own life miserable.

Refusing to forgive is to choose to continue to remain the victim

Refusing to forgive is being at war with yourself

Refusing to forgive is binding yourself to that person for as long as you're bitter

Refusing to forgive is telling that person they OWN your life

When you forgive what has been done to you...This is what happens...

Your hurt, your pain, your anguish...is NOT the final word on the matter.

When you forgive it helps you give up your destructive thoughts about the situation and the person who hurt you.

When you forgive, you dissolve every link and be free of the person.

When you forgive, you change from a prisoner and become a free person at peace with yourself.
Besides forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. It makes you the bigger, better person.

Forgiving someone for something they did to you doesnt mean that you have to condone or excuse the offence. Like if were cheated on...you can forgive them...but it doesn't mean that you have to reconcile with that person. You can say I have forgiven you but I don't want you in my life, I don't want you in mine, I hope our paths never cross...and I wish you all the best in life.

I know this things are easier said than done. How can you forgive someone who called off a wedding two weeks to the date? How do you forgive someone who broke up your marriage? How do you forgive someone who made you loose your job? How do you JUST forgive? The first step is the willingness to forgive. It's not "forgive and forget". How can you forget like nothing ever happened? It's "forgive and go forward,".

You will know the forgiveness process has started when you remember those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well. And you will know you have forgiven someone when they pass through your mind without you wishing them bad...or dead!

Whats your reward for forgiveness you may wonder? Let me tell you a story!

In 2004, I paid almost half a million naira for a three bedroom flat on Oweh Street, Jibowu, Yaba! About a month later,I found out that the estate agent in charge of the building had absconded not just with my money but with money belonging to eight other people. He had taken money from nine people for the same flat. He basically duped us!

A year and five months later, he was caught by the police. Unfortunately for all of us, he had squandered the money! They grilled him for many weeks and he eventually confessed he had used the money to get a visa to Germany, and made some investments. 7 months after he landed in Germany, he was deported back to Nigeria with only the clothes on his back. All the money gone.

When he couldn't hide anymore, he went home to his parents and that was when he was arrested. They locked him up for almost a year and it always bothered me that there was someone in jail because of something he had done to me. And I remember the police told us that if we droppped the case against the guy, he will released from jail. I decided it was time to forgive and move on...

After almost a month, my dad and I managed to get the other eight victims to sign his release papers. The agent calls me once in a while to say hello...and everytime he calls and says 'Thank you', I feel like I have done something good! And everytime I do something bad, I think of the agent and I feel better! My reward is knowing someone out there will be forever grateful to me...

When you forgive, those forgiven will forever be indebted to you. Isn't that sweet revenge?

After reading this you might say 'I don't care what Linda says...I will never forgive. What was done to me doesn't deserve forgiveness'. But here's something you need to know.

There's nothing so bad that it can't be forgiven. Nothing!
And like someone once told me...you can never know how much you have been forgiven...until you forgive.

I will leave you with the words of Mahatma Gandhi
If one by one we counted people out
For the least sin, it wouldn't take us long
To get so we had no one left to live with.
For to be social is to be forgiving.

See y'all later

Naija Entertainment News + Jokes

The marriage bug is the air people. A lot of people seem to be getting married these day...
Now I know for sure our very own sweetheart, Tonipayne, is set to wed the newest singing sensation in Nigeria, 9ice.
9ice isn't the only celeb getting married...singer, Nomoreloss is said to be engaged to Rhythm 93.7 presenter, Phoenix.
Azadus is said to be getting ready to wed his pregnant fiancee, Seun.
Rapper, El Dee is engaged to a Dolapo
And all these weddings will take place this year...Congrats to everyone who has found someone. There's nothing more beautiful than that.

At Shan George's album launch.
The actress launched her album at the Niteshift Colisuem on Sunday Februaru 17th 2008 and was attended by the who's who in the entertainment industry.

Omotola Jalade Ekeinde and Dare Art Alade recently added a year

Ali baba's wife
Comedian, Ali Baba's wife, Mary gave birth to a beautiful daughter on Valentines's day and she has since been named Valerie. Congrats to them.

2face postpones tour
2face is presently in Jamaica for the post humous birthday party birthday party of Bob Marley. The unexpected trip affected his scheduled six states musical tour sponsored by MTN billed to commence on Saturday 16th February and end March 8th 2008. 2face is also set to release his 3rd album featuring his duet with R.Kelly.

Timaya shoots 3 videos

Rave of the moment, Timaya, has finally shot 3 videos from his debut album. The three tracks are 'Dem mama', 'True Story', and 'Timaya'. The videos will soon be released for airplay.

Police nab Ini Edo's impersonator
A lady identified as Ada Waller is now in police net for allegedly dropping Ini Edo's name. According to the star actress who has already taken the case to Area F, Nigeria Police, Lagos, the suspet is one of the many girls who drop her name to extort money from men and also bring her to disrepute.

Soundcity plans music video awards
Nigeria's first and foremost lifestyle, music and entertainment TV channel, Soundcity, is set to stage the Soundcity Music Video Awards. The award will take place at the Prestigious Shell Hall of the Muson Centre, Onikan Lagos later in the year.

TOS Benson is dead
Chief TOS Benson is dead. He died at the ripe age of 90, at his home on Wednesday 13th february 13th 2008. He was the first Minister of Information in Nigeria. He was also the husband of Chief Mrs Opral Benson. He will be buried on Friday 29th February. May his soul rest in peace.

Uche Jumbo's stolen car recovered
The Toyota Rav 4 belonging to star actress, Uche Jumbo, which was stolen days back at gun point has been recovered. Some police men in the Lekki area of Lagos saw it where it was abandoned and notified the actress who has since gone to reclaim it. Happy for her!

Weird Mc and Nigga Raw are presently in South Africa to shoot the video of their latest singles on 35mm celuloid camera.














The World Celebrates the 50th Anniversary of Chinua Achebe's "Things Fall Apart"
http://www.cnn.com/2008/SHOWBIZ/books/02/19/chinua.achebe/index.html

Thisday Award winners
Banker of the year - Cecilia Ibru
ICT company of the year - Reltel Wireless
Product of the year - Chivita
Most improved bank - Diamond Bank
Corporate socially responsible company - The UBA foundation
Hotel of the year - Grand Hotel
Airline of the year - Arik Air
Transaction of the year - GT Bank
Bank of the year - Zenith
Oil and Gas company of the year - Zenon petroleum
Company of the year - Dangote sugar refinery
Brands of the year - Access bank and Coca Cola
Stock offer of the year - First Bank offer
Young manager of the year - Toyin Subair
CEO of the year - Mr. Jim Ovia
Enterpreneur of the year - Mr. Femi Otedola
Corporate citizens of the year - Jim Ovia, Aliko Dangote, Mike Adenuga
Insurance company of the year - PHB Insurance


Jokes
Hummer Indeed!
The boss walked into the office one morning not knowing his zipper was down and his fly area wide open. His personal assistant walked up to him and said, 'This morning when you left your house, did you close your garage door?'
The boss told her he knew he'd closed the garage door, and walked into his office puzzled by the question. As he finished his paperwork, he suddenly noticed his fly was open, and zipped it up. He then understood his personal assistant's question about his 'garage door.' He headed out for a cup of coffee and paused by her desk to ask, 'When my garage door was open, did you see my Hummer parked in there? She smiled and said, 'No, I didn't. All I saw was an old mini van with two flat tires.

Life without black people
A very humorous and revealing story is told about a group of white people who were fed up with African Americans, so they joined together and wished themselves away. They passed through a deep dark tunnel and emerged in sort of a twilight zone where there is an America without black people. At first these white people breathed a sigh of relief. "At last", they said, "no more crime, drugs, violence and welfare." All of the blacks have gone! Then suddenly, reality set in. The "NEWAMERICA" is not America at all - only a barren land. 1. There are very few crops that have flourished because the nation was built on a slave-supported system. 2. There are no cities with tall skyscrapers because Alexander Mils, a black man, invented the elevator, and without it, one finds great difficulty reaching higher floors. 3. There are few if any cars because Richard Spikes, a black man, invented the automatic gearshift, Joseph Gambol, also black, invented the Super Charge System for Internal Combustion Engines, and Garrett A. Morgan, a black man, invented the traffic signals.4. Furthermore, one could not use the rapid transit system because its procurer was the electric trolley, which was invented by another black man, Albert R. Robinson.5. Even if there were streets on which cars and a rapid transit system could operate, they were cluttered with paper because an African American, Charles Brooks, invented the street sweeper. 6. There were few if any newspapers, magazines and books because John Love invented the pencil sharpener, William Purveys invented the fountain pen, and Lee Barrage invented the Type Writing Machine and W. A. Love invented the Advanced Printing Press. They were all, you guessed it, Black. 7. Even if Americans could write their letters, articles and books, they would not have been transported by mail because William Barry invented the Postmarking and Canceling Machine, William Purveys invented the Hand Stamp and Philip Downing invented the Letter Drop. 8. The lawns were brown and wilted because Joseph Smith invented the Lawn Sprinkler and John Burr the Lawn Mower. 9. When they entered their homes, they found them to be poorly ventilated and poorly heated. You see, Frederick Jones invented the Air Conditioner and Alice Parker the Heating Furnace. Their homes were also dim. But of course, Lewis Lattimer later invented the Electric Lamp, Michael Harvey invented the lantern, and Granville T. Woods invented the Automatic Cut off Switch. Their homes were also filthy because Thomas W. Steward invented the Mop and Lloyd P. Ray the Dust Pan. 10. Their children met them at the door - barefooted, shabby, motley and unkempt. But what could one expect? Jan E. Matzelinger invented the Shoe Lasting Machine, Walter Sammons invented the Comb, Sarah Boone invented the Ironing Board, and George T. Samon invented the Clothes Dryer. 11. Finally, they were resigned to at least have dinner amidst all of this turmoil. But here again, the food had spoiled because another Black Man, John Standard invented the refrigerator.Now, isn't that something? What would this country be like without the contributions of Blacks, as African-Americans? Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "by the time we leave for work, millions of Americans have depended on the inventions from the minds of Blacks."Black history includes more than just slavery, Frederick Douglass, Martin Luther King, Jr., Malcolm X, and Marcus Garvey & W.E.B. Dubois.

An elderly couple were having dinner at another couple's house and after their meal, the wives left the table to go to the kitchen.
The two elderly gents were talking, and one says: "Last night we went out to a fabulous new restaurant. I'd highly recommend."
The other man says: "What's the name of the restaurant?"
The first man thinks long and hard with a furrowed brow, finally saying: "Ah, what is the name of that red flower you give to someone you love?"
His friend replies: "A carnation?" "No, no. The other one," the man says.
His friend suggest "The poppy?"
"No, no, no" growls the man.
"You know - the one that is red and has thorns."
His friend says: "Do you mean a rose?"
"Yes! Thank you!" the first man says. He then turns toward the kitchen and yells: "Rose, what's the name of that restaurant we went to last night?"

Lie Robot
A little truth won't hurt... but a tight slap from a robot; sure wouldhurt.
This robot is available for sale! pls contact the producers if you need one.....enjoy yr day.One day Kyle's dad brought home a robot. The robot was special in thatit could detect a lie and would slap the person who lied on the face.Kyle returned late from school that day and his dad asked him, "Son whyare you late from school?"Kyle answered, "Dad, we had extra classes today".Much to his astonishment the robot jumped up and slapped Kyle on hisface.His dad told him, "Son this robot is special in that it can detect a lieand will then slap the person who lied. Now come on tell me the truth.Why are you late?""Dad, I went to a movie""Which movie?""The Ten Commandments"Immediately, Kyle got another slap on the face from the robot."Sorry Dad, I went to see the movie Sex Queen"."Shame on you son, when I was your age I never watched obscene movies ormisbehaved" Immediately, the dad gets a tight slap on the face from therobot.Hearing the last sentence, Kyle's mother comes walking out of thekitchen and sarcastically says to her husband, "After all he is YOUR son!!!"To which the robot steps up and gives Kyle's mother a resounding slap on her face!!!

That's all folks...see y'all later.

Thisday Awards + Hip Hop World Award Nominees

The 13th annual Thisday Award took place at the THISDAY Dome, Falomo, Ikoyi on Sunday 17th Feb 2008



Here are the names of some of the winners of the award

Lifetime achievement awards for elder statesmen and renowned Nigerians who had served the country decades back, but whose laudable services were hardly still remembered by the society they had laboured to serve.
Yakubu Gowon, who ruled Nigeria for nine years as a military head of state;
Dr. Ola Vincent, Former Central Bank of Nigeria Governor,
Professor Grace Alele-Williams, Former Vice-Chancellor of the University of Benin,
Prince Bola Ajibola, former World Court judge,
Mr. Allison Ayida,, former Secretary to the Government of the Federation,
Chief Arthur Mbanefo, who was chairman of the United Nations Committee on Peacekeeping between 1999 and 2003,
Alhaji Abdul Ganiyu Abdurazaq, the first lawyer from the North and first National Legal Adviser to the defunct Northern Peoples Congress (NPC),



Others were Second Republic senator and renowned accountant, Senator David Dafinone,
former Commissioner for Education in the defunct Mid-western region and secretary of the defunct Petroleum Special Trust Fund (PTF), Chief Tayo Akpata,
Immediate past Chief Justice of the Federation, Justice Alfa Belgore
And former chairman of Arewa Consultative Forum (ACF), late Chief Sunday Awoniyi, who bagged a posthumous award.



The Senate President, Senator David Mark clinched the senator of the year award

Hon. Farouk Lawan, received the Representative of the Year Award



Governors of the year
Fashola emerged the best governor in terms of infrastructural provision.
The governor of Imo State, Chief Ikedi Ohakim bagged the award of best governor in exemplary visionary leadership style,
while his Delta State counterpart,Uduaghan emerged the best governor of the year in the area of promotion of peace and stability

Minister of the Year Award went to Chief Ojo Maduekwe, Foreign Afairs Minister.






Nominees for Hip Hop World Awards 2008.
The list is out and I must say it's an interesting one. So this is what we'll do...WILL WIN/SHOULD WIN.
Lets predict Who will most likely win a category and Who really deserves to win it..
I'm going to do my predictions...

Album of the year

2face Idibia - Grass 4 Grace

P-Square - Game Over (Will Win, should win)
Mode 9 - E Pluribus Unum

Asa - Asa
Faze - Independent

Artiste of the year
D'Banj
2face Idibia
P-Square (Will win, Should win)
Olu Maintain



Song of the year
Yahoozee - Olu Maintain (Should win)
Do Me - P-Square (Will win)
See me so - 2face Idibia
Kolomental - Faze



Recording of the year
Bimbanke - Asa
Stylee - Jimmy Jatt, 2face, Elajoe & Mode 9 (Will win)
Greenland - TY Bello (Should win)
True Love - 2face
Need somebody - Faze



Producer of the year
Mosa - Greenland (Should win)
Puffy Tee - Yahoozee
Jokayne - Stylee
OJB - See me so
Cobhams - Bimbanke
ID Cabasa - Ruggedy Baba (Will win)



Best Music Video (Award goes to director)
Do me - Jude Okoye (Will win)
Greenland - TY Bello/Abbey (Should win)
Fire on the mountain - Cosa
Stylee - DJ Tee
Sasha - Clarence Peters



Best Reggae/Dancehall Album
London Fever - African China
True Love - Timaya (Will win, Should win)
Uchie - African Rockstar



Best RnB/Pop Album
Definition - Jimmy Jatt
Independent - Faze
Niyola - Call my name
Press on part 2 - Indespensables
Game Over - P-Square (Will win, Should win)



Best Rap Album
Definition - DJ Jimmy Jatt (Will win)
E Pluribus Unum - Mode 9
Tha Rapman begins - Terry Tha Rapman
First Lady - Sasha (Should win)



Best Collabo
Stylee - Jimmy Jatt, 2face, Elajoe & Mode 9 (Should win)
Ruggedy Baba - Ruggedman ft 9ice
Lorile - X-project ft Konga
Booty Call - Mo Hits All Stars (Will win)



Best Rap Single
Lagi mo - Rooftop MC's
Stylee - Jimmy Jatt, 2face, Elajoe & Mode 9 (Will win)
U know my P - Naeto C ft Ikechukwu
Crowd Mentality - M-I (Should win)

Best Vocal perfomance (Male)
2face - Stylee
9ice - Ruggedy Baba
Wande Coal - Ololufe (Will win, Should win)
Faze - Someone like me

Best vocal performance (Female)
Bimbanke - Asa (Will win)
Jebele - Kween
Ekundayo - TY Bello
IJoba Orun - Lara George (Should win)
Niyola - Call my name

Hip Hop World Revelation (New Artiste?
9ice (Will win, should win)

Asa

TY Bello

Sasha
Olu Maintain

African Artist of the year
Nameless - Sinzia

Batman Samini - Lambori

Freshly Ground - Pot Belly (Will win, should win)

HHP - Music & Lights
Jozi - Whats with the attitude

Ok, I've made my own predictions...what's your -Will win, Should win? Do let us know!

The person in the mirror

People close to me will tell you I hardly pass a mirror without stealing a glance at myself. Oh I love looking at myself. Not to check if there's a freckle on my face or if my lipstick is smudged or if I look good without make-up, or if my hair is out of place...oh no, I don't care about such things. I look at myself because I love what stares right back at me...ME! I love me so much...much more than anyone else loves me.

I don't feel there's anyone more beautiful than me, more intelligent than I am, more decent, more friendly. I don't care if you have the best life, the best job, beauty, fame, wealth etc...I don't wish to be you!

There are people who inspire and motivate me...in fact I have a role model...but there's no one I would rather be but ME

Oh I love me...so much!

In this society, we're taught that praising ourselves is selfish and wrong. If it's wrong and selfish, then I want to be wrong and selfish. Because I know praising myself for things that are good about me helps me love myself more and nourishes my self-worth.

I'm never scared to say what I feel, how I feel it. What I think and how I think it. A reader of this blog sent me a text yesterday and said 'Never change your down to earth way of blogging'. The thing is; I don't know how to be anything but down to earth. Loving myself gives me a lot of self confidence, makes me more true to myself and most importantly the ability to be free.

There are people out there who for reasons best known to them don't like themselves. Is it because of what people say to you or about you? To hell with people! They don't know you, you shouldn't give them the right to bring you down. I'm not saying you shouldn't listen to what people have to say about you...you should! But don't let their criticisms break your spirit. Because I know for sure when everyone around you tells you you're worthless, you start to believe it. How can everyone be wrong? you'll wonder. Oh, they can be wrong! And they are wrong! What do they know about you?
They have no right to tell you you're a bad person.
They have no right to tell you you will fail.
They have no right to spread false rumours about you.
They do have a right to dislike you...and you have a right...not to care.

If people give themselves the right to bring you down without your permission, then take the right back by not giving a HOOT what they think, by being gentle with yourself. By being kind to yourself. By being patient with yourself. By praising yourself as much as you can. Tell yourself how well you are doing with every little thing. Treat yourself as you would treat that someone you love with all your heart.

Love yourself for being who you are, doing what you do, saying what you say, thinking what you think, and feeling what you feel. When you do that, you make space for yourself to be, do, think, feel, express, and accept yourself as you are.

On this blog there are people who for reasons best known to them send me nasty comments...very very nasty comments. When I see this comments I smile. It doesn't bug me at all. Sometimes I wish I could extend a hand of friendship to these negative people because I know they have a problem...but they come as anonymous...what can I do? But more than those who are nasty, I believe that at least 80% of readers of this blog genuinely like me...why? I think when people see you radiating self love...they are drawn to you!

It hasn't always been like this for me. There was a time in my life when people's opinion mattered so much. If I heard anything negative about myself, I won't be able to sleep for days. I go around trying to be nice...looking for approval, trying to defend myself. But one day I realised that people's opinion don't define who I am.

For instance, I used to be good friends with comedian Tee A. In my first year in Unilag, Tee A was in his final year. We were friends for a short while and...weren't friends anymore. Several years later he told someone close to me that I am a 'club girl'. You know what it means to be called a club girl in Nigeria? When I heard it, I confronted him. I said to Tee A, have you ever seen me in a club? a party? in a hotel with an pot bellied man? I don't do stuff like that...don't ever say such things about me ever again. (Of course he denied saying it)

That experience taught me that people will think and say what the hell they like about you regardless of who you really are. They take you at face value. How can you call me a club girl when I don't even go to clubs. I don't have anything against clubbing, but it's just not my scene. All through my years in the university I can count how many times I went to a club. Usually after a fashion show that ended late and the models couldn't go home or an after party at a club after a show. Left to me I'd rather sit at home watching TV or read. So how do you justify calling me a club girl? Where did that come from?

As I grew older I realised some people derive a lot of pleasure in bringing others down. I also realised that those in the habit of doing so are people with self loathing. They themselves hate who they are and try to bring you down to their level by trying to break your spirit with hurtful words.

People who don't like themselves are people who are empty inside.

You want to be as beautiful as Genevieve Nnaji but you are not.

You want to be as famous as Tuface...but you're not.

You want to be as a rich as JJ Okocha...but you're not.

You want to be as intlligent as Wole Soyinka...but you are not

You want to sing like Fela Anikulapokuti...but you can't

You want to write as well as Chimamanda Adichie...but can not

you want to speak as eloquently as Fela Durotoye...but can't

So what if you're not? So what if you can't? There's something you have that no one else in the world has. There's something beautiful inside you...find it, appreciate it. Accept yourself exactly as you are.

Stop criticising yourself, it never changes a thing. When you criticize yourself, your changes are negative. When you approve of yourself, your changes are positive. Make the decision to love yourself in every moment...unconditionally...no matter what. When you learn how to fulfill yourself in that way, you stop searching for it outside of yourself and you begin to appreciate the person staring right back at you in the mirror.

Whatever your situation, whatever you've heard, whatever bad experiences you've had, no matter what mistakes you've made in the past, take a moment next time you look into a mirror, muster up a bit of kindness and acceptance for the person looking right back at you. Just because people say we're no good, doesn’t mean we have to believe them.

Here's the chorus to Mary J Bliges' new single...'Just Fine'
So I like what I see when I'm looking at me when I'm walking past the mirror
No stress through the night, at a time in my life ain't worried about if you feel it
Got my head on straight, I got my mind right I aint gonna let you kill it
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just..
Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, oooohFine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
Just fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, fine, ooooh
You see I wouldn't change my life, my life's just fine

And like Whitney Houston said in her song 'Greatest love of all'
"Learning to love yourself, is the greatest love of all,"

So love yourself...UNCONDITIONALLY! No one deserves your love more than you!

This thing called life.

Through out last week I was very happy. I found myself in a place I hadn't been in a long time...if ever. A happy place. For the first time in my life, I understood what it meant to be on cloud 9. But the thing about cloud 9 is; it's a temporary place to be. Yesterday I was brought back to reality.

I have this really great friend, Azubuike. Known him since our days as aspiring top models in the late 90's. He was actually the first and only male model to ever ask me out. But in those days I used to think no man in real life was good enough for me. I had my eyes set only on the guys I saw in hollywood movies...yeah I know! Silly!

Anyway, Azu and I became best of friends after his love advances failed. Surprisingly, we kept in touch for many years after he quit modeling and started working as an artist. In the last few months we grew extremely close. Mostly because he found love through me. He came to the office one day when a casting was going on and saw a model he later told me was love at first sight. I made the introductions and the rest like they say...is history.

Azu was the first person to tell me I might be in love. He was with me one day when O called and after talking to him Azu said you're in love. No, I'm not I argued. So why did your eyes light up? And why are you quivering? he said. I didn' argue with him. The thing about Azu like everyone who knew him well will tell you, he loves love. He breathes, eats, talks and dreams love. Love was the only thing that made sense to him, the only thing that explained the beauty of life. The only thing he cared about.

On Monday February 11th, he called me on the phone to chat and during our conversation he asked me when O was coming again. I told him. He asked "Are you going to let go this time?" "No!" I replied. "I want to take my time. Be extremely sure before anything happens..."
Azu replied "Unfortunately, TIME is something we humans don't have. If I were you, I'd go for it. Take a risk, be happy. Talk to you later" He said and cut the phone.

Later never happened. That was to be our last conversation.

On Valentines day, Thursday February 14th, in his usual adoration of love, Azu took his girlfriend out to celebrate the day. At 10:15 pm, Azu went to drop his girl at home at Anthony Village. For those familiar with the structure of Anthony village, you will agree that the roads aren't very wide and most of the streets are enclosed.

After dropping the girl, Azu made to turn his car to head back towards the direction he'd come from...while trying to manoveure his large car in the narrow street, unknown to him, four armed robbers who had just robbed two streets away were heading towards his direction, trying to make their escape through the street Azu was. Seeing his car in the middle of the road and thinking he'd been trying to block their escape, one of the armed robbers got out of the car and shot Azu point blank in the chest.

After shooting him, the robbers reversed their car and found another escape route.

Azu died instantly. He was just 33 years old.

This thing called LIFE. How fragile it is. One minute we are here making all this plans...the next minute, it's all over. And we can never get it back.

When I think about him...I smile. Even though death snatched him so young...Azu lived his life to the fullest. He did every single thing he wanted to do. If he had lived another 30 years he only would have done the things he had done before over and over again.

He grabbed life by the horns and was never afraid to take risks.
He never forgot how to laugh.
He was never too proud to cry.
He wasn't too stubborn to smile.
Azu lived life in the moment. And he lived it to the fullest.

Shame to death!

I heard about his death on Sunday and I have been thinking so much about life since then. There's so much we take for granted. So many things we don't understand. So little time we have to do the things we want to do.

When I talked about O on my blog last week, a friend of mine called me from the US and scolded me for talking about and mentioning his name. What if it doesn't work out with him? she worried. I remember exactly what I said to her. If it doesn't work out with O, I will move on to the next one. If that doesn't work out, I will move to the next and keep moving till it works out because I'm not afraid to love, I'm not afraid to live and I'm not afraid to take risks.

I always go after what I want. I wanted love...I went looking for it. I wanted a magazine...I started it. I wanted my own company...I started it. I want a modeling reality TV show...I'm already working on it. I want a talk show some day...it's going to happen. I will never quit believing in myself because I know that as long as I believe I can, I will always have a reason for trying. Not just trying to find love or success, but also trying to find the meaning and essense of life. My ultimate goal is to say one day...I lived my life to the fullest.

Who has seen the movie 'Life is beautiful'? Remember the huge smile on the face of the lead actor, Roberto Benigni, when he was being to led to his death by the German soldiers? People say he had that memorable smile on his face because he didn't want his young son, who saw him being led away, to know that the soldiers were taking him away to kill him. Maybe...but I also think he had that smile because he had defeated death. In the middle of war, hunger, degradation and death, he smiled constantly. The movie is titled life is beautiful, and seeing that you'd think it would be about happy and beautiful things but it was set in the middle of war when the Germans tried to wipe out all jews from the face of the earth. Despite being surrounded by all this all, life was still beautiful to him...and he wasn't afraid to die. That's what happens when you've lived your life to the fullest

Sometimes we fail to realise what little time we have on earth. And we go through life with no purpose or meaning. We blame everyone else but ourselves for our sadness and misfortune instead of realising that life is an accumulation of our very own choices. Both the good and the bad things are as a result of repeated choices over a period of time. But whether good or bad, the beautiful thing about life is that it's never too late to turn it around. Every single minute we are alive is an opportunity to start all over. Decide NOW to make every second of your life count because when you really think about it, the only thing that is assured in life is this moment and death. So cherish every moment of life and make it worthwhile.

Don't run away from love but towards it, because love is the deepest joy. A lot of people tend to hold back after they've been hurt or let down. They say, I'm never going to love again. How dare you give another human being that kind of power over you? Don't let anyone hold your happiness in their hands, hold it in yours, so it will always be within your reach.

Don't blame others, and don't walk around waiting for someone to apologize to you.

Don't let go of hope, because hope gives you the strength to keep going when you feel like giving up.

Don't be afraid to take risks, don't be afraid to love, don't be afraid to say sorry, don't be afraid to ask, to cry, to smile, don't be afraid of happiness, don't be afraid to dream, don't be afraid to achieve, don't be afraid to say how you feel.

If you're not happy in your job...you can walk away.

If you're miserable in your relationship...you can walk away.

If you want a baby...have one.

If you want love, go look for it.

If there's someone you want, something you want...go for it NOW! 'cos now is all we really have.

No one says it will be easy...but even if you fail, at least you will definitely know that you tried.

Take a day off and the do that thing you've always wanted to do. Live free, fly like a bird, take every single happiness you can get. Make the most of what you have and don't worry so much...living a life of worry guarantees a sad life. If you're going to die one day and never come back, why live life SAD? Don't let life cheat you...embrace everything good about it.

Cloud nine might be a temporary place to be...but the clouds could be a permanent place to be...it's up to you. In sadness, in sickness, in hunger, in all that is bad and evil, you can always be in the clouds, by not letting life defeat you and making the very best of every situation .

Like Albert Einstein said “There are only two ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle.”

And like Azu my friend said..."Time is something we human beings don't have"

Do what you want to do now...because when you really think about it, there's no guarantee you'll live to see the next minute.

Azubuike, rest in peace! Thank you for teaching me how to appreciate life. You'll always be remembered.

Linda

Beautiful DSTV fix

a treat for your celebrity pix (fix). Gaze upon the beautiful celebrity pictures courtesy of DSTV Alicia Key's is the only one who can unlock the doors of musical heaven, 'No One'- else can. Bow Wow looking all growd up... Luther Vandross, may you rest in peace, your music will live for ever... Lungile Chanel-O presenter, you like?

To all my peeps, Happy Vals

Here is a bouquet to spread some belated Valentines loveOh drat! Did i say a Bouquet? I meant bouquets of lovely flower for my peoples...pix courtesy of Hickerphotos.com

Little Johnny Jokes + Animal crackers & Mischievious kids

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